My mom stepped out of the way, and I filled the emptied space. The room was dark, but I could still see her eyes. She said, ‘I’m so glad you came to see me.’ I told her I was too. She smiled then, and my eyes filled with tears. I hugged her and kissed her, holding onto her hand for an extra minute. At that point I didn’t know that would be the last time we talked, but I’m glad that that was how it went. That night, we decided we’d bring her home. It was late, so it would have to wait until morning. I wasn’t sure the sun was going to rise that Thursday morning, but it dawned sunny and clear. My aunt hit the phones, setting up an appointment to get twenty-four hour care. She then headed for the assisted living home, only to get there and find that they were taking Greatma to the Emergency Room again. In the meantime, my mom and I hit the road, and set about getting Greatma’s room ready. We lugged stuff out, brought stuff back in, rearranged, cleaned, the works. We got the hospital bed. Once it booted up, I typed “masturbation” into the search box. I felt so dirty as I read article after article about masturbation, and I also got an unfamiliar feeling all over my body. My nipples hardened, and my panties felt damp. This scared me, but I could not pull myself away from the computer. Around one in the morning, the feeling was so strong, that I turned the computer off and after asking for forgiveness, I went to sleep with the images going through my head. The next several days, I tried not to think about what I had seen on the internet that night, but I was not very successful. One night when my Dad was out on visitation, I got the nerved to ask my Mom about masturbation. That was a big mistake. She began to give me a lecture on why masturbation was a sin and that sex had been created for the sole purpose of reproduction but Satan had turned it into an industry for money and pleasure and how everyone was going straight to hell for using it that way. After that night, I.
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